marriage-kids siren lovesex Virgin Media
My husband has three children from his first marriage and although the relationship between me and them has always been good, I have recently been struggling to get along with his youngest son who is 15 years old.
I find him rude, ungrateful and moody – I appreciate it has something to do with his age, but he has recently been playing us off against his mother and causing endless arguments to the point I resent him even coming to round to see us. What can I do? Bev
Dear Bev,
I suspect it has "everything" to do with his age. But while you can appreciate what he is going through, that is still no excuse/reason to disrupt the rest of the household(s).
Father/and or mother should take him to one side and say something along the lines of "Listen son we’ve known you for 15 years now. The way you’ve been behaving lately is so out of character and we are wondering if something is wrong?"
This should be done in a caring tone in a neutral territory. The conversation should take place in a park, a local coffee shop – any place where it is possible to have a quiet conversation with no room for it to escalate into an argument. Chances are he might lash out when asked and say: "I'm sick and tired of how you both always blah-blah-blah". Whatever he says take it on board. Tell him you will go away and think about it. You are doing this so he understands that you are giving time and consideration to his issues.
A couple of days later reconvene and say: "We gave some thought to what you said the other day and this is what we think...".
At this age the biggest complaint that young people have is "No one ever listens to me", you want him to know that he is listened to and what he has to say is respected. Offer to set up regular family meetings for a period of say three months, where all and sundry get to say what’s on their mind in an organised fashion - in other words 'An appointment to argue'. Offer rewards for sticking to the system and consequences for not. This will cut down on the random and constant arguing and usually having to wait until the Family Meeting Friday at 7 renders the point null and void by then. I know it is difficult but remember usually it is only a phase and you will have a lovely young man at the other end of it.
